The Experiment
by Cancer94
Summary: The wizards of the Unseen University created life! The idea was to show an impartial human being Ankh-Morpork to watch his reaction. But the one who shows him Ankh-Morpork is the Bursar of all people.


**~ This is my first english story, and I ask you to advise me of the mistakes I made. I hope there are not too many. Have fun! ~**

It's a strange feeling to exist from one moment to the other. Suddenly you're just there, without existing before. You can't remember anything, but at the same time you get the feeling to exist for years, forever. A birth is not the same: Growing up in womb, the process of thinking develops step by step; so it's fortunately, that this man is the only one who had this problem and, so I hope, the only one who will ever have.

But most horrible was the fact that the first face this man ever saw belonged to the Dean, who looked honestly interested. 'It had actually worked,' he commentated, receding, 'He seems to be alive.'

Ponder Stibbons was surprised. It was not the fact that his experiment had worked that surprised him but the faultless pronunciation of the word 'actually' by the Dean. 'Er, yes.'

'How should we call him?' the Senior Wrangler asked bored. He peered to the door ready to get out of this room as soon as possible.

Ridcully was also present, just like the Lecturer in Recent Runes and, for some reason, the Librarian. The Bursar seemed to be there, too, but his mind does not.

The Archchancellor decided to fill the silence with a speech. 'This is a moment we all have waited for. We created life! I'm sure we used something like space-time continuinuum and… strange quant...' 'You mean quanta,' Ponder Stibbons told him. 'Yes. I'm hungry now.'

'Ook.'

'He's right, Archchancellor. We have just eaten,' said Stibbons.

'Who cares? I'm also hungry!' the Dean moaned. The Senior Wrangler had left the room after hearing the first signs of 'We'll leave shortly'.

Ponder sighed and tried to quicken the whole issue. 'Let's call him David.'

'David? I don't think we should call him _David_!' the Dean frayed, forgetting that he's hungry for some time, 'What's about Adam? Just like the first human being!'

Stibbons was appalled at this suggestion. 'You don't really want to, do you? It's unimaginative, and I'm pretty sure that one of the gods copyrighted that name! We don't want to breach it, do we?'

There was an argument in the offing. Ridcully was interested in conflicts like that and took a place to watch; meanwhile the Librarian ate some nuts and a banana. The Lecturer in Recent Runes decided to leave the room, because he didn't feel like being needed.

The Bursar didn't rank among the attendees, so there was only _the man _left. David. Maybe Adam.

He nearly knew what the matter was. He was the matter. And the fat man was arguing with the man without a beard but with glasses about how to call him.

He called himself currently Dadam, because human beings need a name. Dadam kept silence because he thought it would be more intelligent than interrupting the two of them arguing impulsively. It was kind of… confusing. He knew about a lot of things, but he hadn't learned. He couldn't _remember_. He knew how to walk, how to speak, and how to understand, things he had never crammed. And he felt absolutely helpless. Seeking after a person who appeared to be prudential, he discovered the Bursar. He was the only one who was not arguing, watching a conflict, or being an ape, who was located in this room.

The Bursar glared at the ceiling. Dadam glared at the ceiling, too, hoping to see something amazing, but there was only… stone.

'It's moving, it's moving!' said the Dean excitedly.

'Yes, but _it_ is not an It but a He,' said Ponder after fixing the Dean angrily, 'Look, he's having a… you know. More than a She.'

Oh… Dadam felt ashamed. Everybody was wearing clothes, but he was completely naked. 'Er, could you lend me some clothes?' he asked hopefully.

'It spoke! It spoke!'

'You're offending his sensibilities, Dean,' the Archchancellor animadverted, 'but why don't we let him decide on his name? How do you want us to call you?'

Dadam didn't hesitate because he had adapted to his mixed name. So he answered, 'Dadam' and added, '_Do _you have clothes?' But he was ignored.

'Dadam, I see. The first noise he had ever heard, probably. Very formative, the first noise. Write this down, Stibbons, we could need it.'

'To be honest, Archchancellor, I said "Ta-Da!" and this before moving the lever', Ponder returned.

'Than notice that the first but one noise is formative.'

Ponder shrugged. He scrawled anything on any notebook, just to get Ridcully happy before turning to Dadam to declare him the most important issues.

'Er, yes. Dadam. You exist for circa seven minutes and you were sired by us. Er, sort of, I mean. We sired you with the aid of thaumaturgy energy and…'

'Shut up, Stibbons,' Ridcully interrupted him, 'I said I was hungry. I'm still hungry.'

'Okay, let's miss that out. You are some kind of experiment, and I hope hearing that doesn't offend you. You know the most important and we just want to see how you react to Ankh-Morpork and its habitants,' Ponder told him, scowling.

The Dean felt constrained to add something. 'Before your appearance we decided to tell you not that your life will only last for twenty-four hours.'

'DEAN!' Ridcully and Stibbons shouted disgusted.

'Eek,' the Librarian added eating his banana.

Twenty-four hours is one day, thought Dadam but he didn't get distressed because he didn't know how short a day was.

The other men (and the ape) were still arguing; he heard words like 'impolite' and 'Ook' frequently.

Only the Bursar kept silent, still peering at the ceiling. Dadam moved towards him, unseen.

He viewed the surroundings the first time closely. Everywhere were metallic tracts on the floor and the walls, which once were probably white, got soot-blackened. Fire damage, Dadam thought, and he was absolutely right. This was the small room where Ponder Stibbons experimented, occasionally. Explosions weren't long in coming.

There were many disassembled machines; the only one which was working, was the one Dadam had just came out. It was cylinder shaped, and there was a red lever such as a quite wide gap, certainly too small for the wizards. The rest of the machine was made of compact steel.

Dadam reached the Bursar. 'Do _you_ have clothes?'

The Bursar seemed to stop dreaming. 'Er, yes. I think so,' he answered, confused.

'Could you give me some clothes?' Dadam added after waiting for a reaction.

'I could…'

The Bursar started to fumble with his belt.

'Er, no. No, it doesn't matter. I like being naked, you know,' said Dadam quickly. He was decent and he was absolutely sure that he didn't want to see this man nude.

'Are you sure?' the Bursar asked skeptically.

'What's about clean clothes?' Dadam suggested after considering thoroughly.

'Go this way!'

The bursar grabbed Dadam determinedly, and crashed into the door. After reeling back, he bumped again into the door.

'You could use the latch,' Dadam proposed, and so the Bursar did. The door snapped in.

'Dadam is gone!' said Ridcully.

'What?' asked Stibbons surprised and noticed the absence of Dadam, too.

'Ook!'

'That's not possible, Librarian. The gap is too poky. Even the Dean cannot pass it.'

'But,' Stibbons conceded, 'the Dean is much, er, fatter than Dadam. He…'

The Dean spun around (his blubbery belly swirled furtherer and needed some time to come to rest) and scowled at him angrily. 'Archchancellor! He offended me!'

'Shut up, Stibbons. I guess Dadam stayed only 10 minutes alive, because there was something wrong. Do you remember I said I was hungry? I'm still hungry! Let's go.'

He turned to the door.

'The Bursar is also away. He had forgotten his dried frog pills. _This _is serious. Let's seek for him after eating.'

Ridcully headed for the dining-hall, the most frequented room of the Unseen University, followed by the Dean, who poked his tongue out at Stibbons, and nearly got stuck in the door. Ponder waited until the Librarian was gone, and took the box with the dried frog pills before leaving the room, depressed.


End file.
